CUSTOMER SERVICE June 30, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Hate Mail.add a comment
THIS POST IS IN RELATION TO OUR “HAIR TODAY, GONE FOR FOREVER” ARTICLE AND SURPRISE SURPRISE.
Hi Bernie,
Thank you for surfing the Internet and reading our blog. You are real we must admit, because we nearly sent a complaint letter (same e-mail we checked) to Botak Jones the last time but we retracted it because it would be too mean, after all we are from Botak Raju and you wouldn’t take us seriously.
Just like you guys are dedicated to producing the best, erm, wait lemme check, steaks, salads, fries, chips, more steaks, desserts, drinks and more drinks, we are also dedicated to making our murtabak.
Oh, before I proceed further the innocent readers need to know what is going on,
“I don’t think I’ll sue you. From your blog, you show that we at Botak Jones have a way to go before our head even approaches the size of yours. If you want to just criticize, why not make it constructive instead of tearing people down before you even know who they are. The t-shirts and aprons are made in good fun. Something, I’m afraid that is lost on you.”
This is from Bernie and he or she is from Botak Jones, apparently now the Jones are now infuriated by our “Tearing people down” comments. Much to our relief, we are not getting sued because we don’t even have the money to pay for our erm, western food. But yet Bernie, somehow it amazed us that you actually visited our blog.
Is it because,
1. Your kaypoh friend told you about this, and most probably your friend loves our blog.
2. You had nothing to do and did a google search on Botak Jones.
3. You desperately needed some feedbacks on Botak Jones.
Anyway, we are peace loving people and we love nothing more than relaxing at an Ang Mo Kio coffeeshop and having a plate of Fish & Chips and stuffing ourselves with it (We’re serious). So it kinda jolted us when an official from Jones came down with a complain, and the message also contains hidden meaning.
“We at Botak Jones have a way to go before our head even approaches the size of yours.”
So it means, either we have a big head or your head is smaller than ours. So, which one are we?
THIS?
OR THIS?
But let’s not get stuck on this “Who’s head is bigger” debate. In the end, we’ll all lose ourselves measuring head circumferences with rulers and getting insane.
THIS IS OUR REPLY.
“Thank you for not suing us. From your comment, you show that we at Botak Raju have a way to go before our head even approaches the size of yours. If you just want to criticize, why not make it constructive instead of tearing people down before you even know who we are. The blog and posts are made in good fun. Something, I’m afraid other people would acknowledge when they come across this blog.”
“Chill Jones, I might patronise your food store one day, but your queues are damn long and your portion of food is simply too big I must admit.”
THIS IS A BLOG, NOT A PORN SITE June 29, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, Life's Like That.add a comment
Since I blogged about Chee Ko Pek in my previous post, I was expecting several hate mails in my WordPress account from motorcyclists declaring that Chee Ko Pek-ing is part of their anatomy, but what I got was much better, and cheekier.
Seems like some Internet surfing Chee Ko Pek has mistaken our friendly neighbourhood blog for a porn site. I am not joking, take a look at the evidence below.
Users who used the search engine to look for sites with,
1. Animal sex; and
2. Naughty girls of Batam
Are somehow stupid enough to click the link of our blog. This is what I think of Internet surfers like them,
A random blog does not contain animal sex.
Catch them on DVDs instead, just don’t turn up the volume.
MY STUDENT MAILBOX AND, THE MALARIA GROUP June 28, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Life's Like That.add a comment
Ok it’s now 1pm on a Sunny Thursday afternoon and I’m seriously pissed that I have 3 hour break in between lessons from 12-3pm. Now I have another 2 hours to go and I could do with some friends company but as it turned out, as always, I’m alone at a bench outside the School of Health Sciences (where all the pretty Nursing students are) doing this blog. If you think that maybe blogging now is just an excuse to see the Nurses, you are probably right.
So now I’m alone now and I think I’m seriously threatened like a Dodo Bird or maybe a Hornysaurus. The amount of oestrogen emitting from the Health Sciences office might be choking me…
Anyway, just now I was browsing through my student mail and I was stunned to see this,
As you can see, I’m in the ‘Malaria’ group. And it’s quite sad to see yourself in it. Because..
1. All the Biomedical and Biotech students will shun you away, because you are thought to have malaria and even on the internet, you have to be quarantined.
2. People can start imagining you as some disease-spreading Anopheles female mosquito.
3. You start to realise that you’re repeating the same Immunology module that you have failed last semester and you’re doing the same thing all over again. You are graduating a semester later than them and right now, you’re floating in between classes as you don’t really belong to a class.
Ok, next up is the spam I’ve received in my inbox. And I thought I already had enough of that in my Hotmail account, especially when some bugger subscribed me for porn. Animal sex somemore. Everyday I check my inbox and I receive these shit.
Ok, the red font means I have not read the mail yet but nevermind, lets see what some buggers can send to the WHOLE SCHOOL.
“I & E Action- Cute Accessories Up for Sale”
My thoughts: Well, thanks but no thanks, unless you’re selling an endangered cute bear that you’ve just stolen from the Singapore Zoo. And you must be amazed how the sender has a lapse of concentration every 3 seconds because right after he or she has just send the email to the whole school, he or she had forgotten that it was already sent, but he or she send again.
“I & E action: Let’s Make Ice Cream”
My thoughts: I think the sender doesn’t have much marketing skill. And so most probably he or she is not from the Business department. Because to entice more people, it should be put: “Let’s Make Ice Cream with horny babes”
Whether they have real babes is one matter, but to keep their part of the deal, this organising group should have girls wearing specially customized horn hats. The girls should do just fine with these.
Ok, it’s time to go now. If you’ve noticed, I got to do a particular assignment which was due like weeks ago.
THE SINGAPORE COURTESY CAMPAIGN IS FLAWED June 27, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, This Is Serious.1 comment so far
I was watching the TV the other night when I came across the latest Road Courtesy Campaign. You know, the one where one Chee Ko Pek looking motorcyclist smiled and waved sheepishly at a little girl who was using the zebra crossing. That was really disturbing, the courtesy campaign should not be a Chee Ko Pek man waving at a little girl.
Chee Ko Pek-ing is not courteous at all, neither is smiling and waving at a little girl. Only pedophiles smile and wave at little girls while they are using the zebra crossing. Courteous people do not sit on their motorcycle smiling at prepubescent girls in school uniforms.
The Singapore Courtesy Coucil is not doing a good job with our courtesy campaign and here at E.M.Y.P.N.Z, the editors are not too happy about it. The similarities are not lost on me that our courtesy mascot, Singa the Lion is a Bor Cheng Kor (never wear pants) lion. Ah-ha!
Pedophile – Bor Cheng Kor
Bor Cheng Kor – Pedophile
Bor Cheng Kor is not very courteous.
You get the idea.
Therefore, allow me to propose a new looking mascot for the subsequent Singapore Courtesy Campaign. Called Singa the Wu Cheng Kor (got wear pants) Lion,
A little bit of editing and what you are getting is a much better Singapore Courtesy Campaign.
BATAM STORY PART 2: SHOPPING June 25, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.add a comment
Continuing on the Batam exclusive..
It’s inevitable that the trip to Batam includes something called “Shopping” because of the existence of “Shopping Centres.” As much as I hate to admit, I do love shopping. Simply because I do get to know of the latest trends in the fashion world. I cannot lose out or else I’ll look like a caveman. So for example,
You know instantly you have to get these clothes in Batam in order to ’synchronise’ with the Batamians.
Note: The dummy on the right has a striking resemblance to one of our editors..
Look at their similarities, I thought I saw Jiahong posing at Batam initially, somemore they like to strike the same pose. After much observation of the dummy I realised the lookalike at Batam wasn’t Jiahong. He’s not that a nudist than Jiahong..
Next: Rice Cure in Batam
REAL MEN USE THEIR HANDS June 24, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, Life's Like That.add a comment
As you can infer from the title above, the topic I am talking this time round has got to do with opening a packet of McDonald chilli sauce. If you are thinking along the line of fights and fisticuffs, obviously you don’t know our editors very well because we are a bunch of peace loving people. Friends of the editors would testify that we are as peaceful as Bruce Willis armed with a machine gun prowling menacingly on the streets of New York City in the Die Hard franchise.
Based on the photo below, I’ll need readers to guess what category of people I would associate Edwin with,
(a) Babarians
(b) Cavemen
(c) Civillised people
(d) Vikings
If your answer is either option (a), (b) or (d). Congratulations, you may treat your self to a Mc-Ham-Bao-Bao hambuger. But I’m sure you know what to do when Edwin offers to share his chilli sauce with you the next time you have a McDonald dinner with him.
BOX OFFICE HIT THIS SEASON June 22, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Kenneth, This Is Serious.add a comment
Just when you thought after Die Hard was Die Harder and then followed by Die Harderest.
We present to you this season’s box office smasher…
”Who says potatos are soft?”
FANTASTIC CHEW: RISE OF THE INTERNET SURFER June 21, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, This Is Serious.add a comment
The following E.M.Y.P.N.Z movie review is proudly brought to you by Botak Raju.
The rather oily nemesis, The Internet Surfer, comes to Ang Mo Kio to prepare it for destruction. As the Internet Surfer races around Ang Mo Kio on his tricycle wreaking havoc, Mr. Chew, Invisible Chew, The Chew and The Chew Torch must unravel the mystery of the Internet Surfer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr. Chew, before all the Internet connections are lost
Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Horror (Nude scenes of The Chew), Science Fiction/Fantasy
Running Time: 31 min
Release Date: June 15th, 2007 (Only in Singapore)
Rating: R21 for sequences of action violence, some vulgar language and nude scenes
Singapore Box Office: S$16.00
Cast and Credits
Starring: Chew Zhi Huan
Directed by: Chew Zhi Huan
Produced by: Chew Zhi Huan
Our verdict: 0.3/5
The movie was poorly edited, much like the promotional poster. You can’t help but gasp in horror at The Chew’s nude bathing scene, stabbing your eyes with a pencil would be much less painful. Catch it at your heartland cinemas only if you want a movie that is occasionally funny, but is still nonetheless mind-numbingly silly.
BATAM STORY PART 1: A HOTEL SURPRISE June 20, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.add a comment
The following articles of ‘Batam Stories’ are brought to you exclusively by our Batam correspondent of E.M.Y.P.N.Z.
Proudly sponsored by: Botak Raju
The editor would like to take note that no murtabak were wasted during the catering for this special scoop article.
I looked out of my hotel room, and I saw this. I thought my eyes were playing on me, because the previous night I dreamt of some girl in night gown chasing after me. But after rubbing my eyes for the umpteen time, I can really confirm this: My hotel view is great!
My roommates were all eagerly anticipating what this lady would be doing next, and I thought maybe, just maybe she might be cutting her toenails after bathing. Don’t ask me why. I assume she had just bathed. But to my disappointment, the lady went out of sight. I tried whatever angles from my hotel room window to get a glimpse of her but what I got was seeing naked men in the neighbouring buildings smoking and gesturing to each other. I assume they were learning sign language. Because since nowadays people only like to SMS, I guess the next evolution of communication is sign language.
Anyway, to your disappointment, I did not find that lady but later on, I saw a bunch of ladies walking around the balcony, not naked but fully dressed. Most probably getting ready for work. If you get what I mean. So from this incident I can make the following conclusion,
it’s always important to look out of your window once in a while.
And oooh, I can see my neighbour next block doing..
Next: Shopping in Batam
LITTLE MISS….. June 18, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Merchandise.add a comment
I can’t stand it. Everywhere I go, I see girls wearing these same few pieces of shirt.
You go Bugis, you go Orchard, you see girls wearing it.
So what’s the problem, you ask? Am I jealous because I’m not female and I can’t wear it? Actually my sister has one and I can wear it anytime.
The problem is, they look scary. Let’s start a closer look at the graphic print.
This is Miss Sunshine. She doesn’t look so cheerful to me. In fact, her facial expression tells me she either,
1. Accidentally killed her mother.
2. Forgot to flush the toilet she used 2 weeks ago.
3. Swallowed the whole tube of Nivea facewash meant for her pimples.
Next, let’s take a look at Miss Naughty.
She doesn’t look naughty enough, because she’s not wearing a latex suit or maybe at the very least, expose some cleavage. Again this is scary because if this picture depicts naughtiness, then I guess I am a much much more mischievious kid than I thought I was.
But wait, the most scary part hasn’t been explained. Actually there’s no harm wearing T-shirts that shows the wrong information and scary illustration. But, I find it quite sickening IF,
Scenario 1: A bin-chao-chao girl (Grumpy-looking) wearing Miss Sunshine sitting opposite you in the MRT carriage. And just because you look at her so many times because you feel so astonished and disgusted she thought you had an interest in her.
Girls, if you’re feeling not so cheerful please don’t wear Miss Sunshine, it’ll spoil any normal guy’s day.
Scenario 2: You see a nerdy girl with braces and thick rimmed spectacles wearing Miss Naughty. You thought she’s naughty by heart but you overheard her conversation with her geeky boyfriend.
Nerd Girl: Hwelllow, kan wii plae cheeeeessss after owl 24 hourwer selff-studee. I finkk I spik betarr wiff bra..cesss..
Nerd Boy: No, we should see who can finish the whole book of Sudoko first.
So girls and guys, please don’t wear what you’re not to be. Wear what we are! If you think you’re quite kaopeh, like us, you can start ordering our T-shirts now!
E.M.Y.P.N.Z merchandise is out now! Please kindly place your order through email and state your size, breast or chest size, address and state how kaopeh you are. Sales start today!
Presenting to you our product..
