INJUSTICE July 26, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.1 comment so far
http://u.mediacorptv.com/story.aspx?Editorial_ID=593&SubCategoryID=20
My friends were all going crazy over Channel U’s small flower small grass competition, ok Belle and Beau competition. Apparently, ugly girls and not-so-handsome guys got into nomination. It makes me wonder if they’re really the best of the school’s got to offer then come any day, I can be Tom Cruise. Or maybe a hybrid between David Beckham, Michael Jackson, Russell Crowe and Britney Spears. I saw the nominees and I can conclude that Channel U is short of actors who can act like Ah Bengs and extras because most of the nominated -
1. (Guys) have highlighted streaks of hair running down the fringe, and begging to be cut.
2. Fat looking people who pretend to sleep while taking pictures (take a look at NP Male, you will get what I mean).
3. Some girls who look weird such that, as Jiahong mentioned, you feel stabbing a pen into your eye is less painful.
But some are really pretty and handsome.. don’t say I everytime kaopeh people only.
It’s not that I wanna say, but if these people can get into nomination, how about my friend Mr Chew, the perfect Beau material.
He has,
A cool 1980s simple hairstyle, giving him the ‘not-too-complicated’ look.
A pair of Harry Potter replica spectacles from Toys ‘R’ Us giving him the aura of mystery.
A 800 megawatt smile which will charm any girl into submission.
A pair of fake nipples so fake that it looks so real.
A turtle shell on his belly (serves as a 6-pec).
Hairy legs – to ward off the evil hair spirit.
Now where do I get this guy nominated.
CULTURAL PHENOMENON July 25, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, Life's Like That.1 comment so far
I hope regular readers of this blog realized by now that there is a cultural phenomenon sweeping across this tiny red dot we call Singapore. The fact that I consider the following phenomenon the most astonishing thing to happen on Earth since some gigantic rocks landed on this planet and killed all Dinosaurs, you know it must be something really Earth shattering. To keep things simple, I’ll simply call this phenomenon,
“THE VANISHING CANS PHENOMENON”
I sure by now you would have noticed aunties rammaging through rubbish bins and hawker centre all over Singapore in such of something exclusive called ALUMINUM CANS. Just like how it was cool in the 80s for all aunties to perm their hair so that they look like they are carrying 50 packets of Maggi noodles on their head. Aunties nowadays wouldn’t be seen dead without clutching a prized drinking can in their hand. In fact, this activity is considered so trendy the cleaning ladies at Singapore Polytechnic have apparently joined in the fun.
The following conversation took place between a cleaning lady and me at the Singapore Polytechnic this afternoon.
Aunty: Boy, still got water in your can?
Me: Erm, yes.
(30 seconds later…)
Aunty: Boy, still got water in your can?
Me: Erm, yes.
When I eventually finish my can of coffee, the view of my table usually changes from this,
To this within 2 seconds,
There are several reasons to explain the vanishing cans phenomenon.
1. Aunties all over Singapore are collaborating on a project in a bid to enter the Guinness Book of Records where they be building a giant replica of the Great Wall of China using only aluminum drinking cans. The project shall be tentatively called The Great Cans of Singapore.
2. The aunties want to teach their Chee Ko Pek husbands a lesson by shoving aluminium cans up their…
Ermm, maybe not.
SPASTIC IS THE NEW SEXY July 23, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.add a comment
Sggirls.com always comes up with posted pictures of real beauties or those pretenders. Pretenders who act chio I don’t mind, as long as they don’t bother me. Though sometimes I print out their photos and use them as dartboards, they are pretty harmless. Their act cute poses could make your stomach churn, but that is all.
So today I found a picture which cried out for attention. Not some wannabe pretender again, but a new breed of girls which needed some research and evaluation.
“WE ARE SPASTIC.”
Well we know thank you very much. After some extensive research and effort we found out that this breed of girls suffer from abnormal cheek muscles. They become swollen whenever a picture is about to be taken. Another trademark of these girls is to pout whenever a picture is about to be taken. These girls were also found out to be extremely dependent on something called ‘camwhorer’.
Camwhorer is something similar to a normal camera except that the camera is frequently used to take self shots, group self shots in classic places like the female toilet and bedrooms. So anyway, we can already imagine how this picture was taken.
Most probably these girls were having a girl’s NightOut at someone’s house. I wish I can be invisible and sneak into the house, some sort like HollowMan. And the dresscode is swimwear. Armed with a camwhorer, they decided to take self group shots and they expressed their characteristics (puffy cheeks, pouts, etc). Viola! The picture was uploaded to someone’s Friendster.
If any one you spastic girls happen to stumble upon our site, don’t blame us. Blame that spastic person who edited the photo and put ‘We are spastic’.
By the way, my guess is the girl in the middle who did it. Spastic.
THE MAGIC CARD VIRUS July 22, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, Life's Like That.add a comment
I think there is this virus spreading around McDonald outlets all over Singapore, but before you worry about becoming, ahem, a Black Sheep. Let me just make it clear that this virus only affects Magic cards players, so you are safe as long as you keep your hands off those cards.
Symptoms of this virus are as follows.
1. The first stage of virus alters your genetic materials and turns you into a selfish person who only thinks about yourself, your French fries and your cup of Coca Cola. You are likely to occupy tables at McDonald 24-7 with a cup of Coca Cola and your collection of limited edition Magic cards.
2. The second stage of the virus will alter your looks as the guy on the left in the following photo will testify.
That’s the result of 50 packets of French fries too many. The virus makes every part of your body oily except for your fingers. (This is to prevent your limited edition Magic cards from oil stains)
3. The third stage of the virus will turn you into a loner who only speaks with fellow Magic cards players. And when you speak, the conversation invariably ends up sounding like this.
Player A: Wah, my Hit Points nearly empty already you Orgy Ogre really powerful.
Player B: Ya, but my Mana points very little already. I need to boost my Ogre already.
Player C: Eh, who took my Wizard card?
Player A: Can lend me your calculator and pen? I need to calculate my remaining Hit Points.
Player B: Okay, here you go.
Player C: Eh, who took my Wizard card?
Player A: Wah, I’m feeling quite hungry. Can pass me some fries?
Player B: Okay, here you go.
Player C: Eh, who took my Wizard card?
Players A & B: Munch Munch Munch.
4. The forth stage of the virus will indirectly turn your already very kaopeh face into an even more kaopeh face, especially on Saturdays, Sundays and Public holidays. This is because people who are craving for a hamburger will realize there are no more seats available for them and they usually vent their frustration by punching Magic cards players in their face.
5. The fifth and most advance stage of the Magic virus will give you the ability to ignore everything that is happening around you. Or in simple terms, what I call the Kay-Siao symptoms. This stage of the virus gives Magic cards players immense concentration power as they always managed to ignore the hovering crowd of people around their table. This stage of the virus will also give players the ability to survive an entire day at McDonald with only a cup of Coca Cola.
Oh, I think I better bugger off and hide in Batu Cave. I’m petrified of this virus.
NEH NI NEH NI POO POO… OH WAIT July 21, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, This Is Serious.1 comment so far
Today is 21st July. This date brings a special significance to all Harry Potter fans because finally, the final book to conclude the story will be on sale finally.
21st July, 5a.m Singapore Time
Throngs of Pottermaniacs lined up before the Singapore Pools outlet bookstore entrances, waiting for the bookshop auntie to finally lift the shutter and open the store. Although it’s only 5am, they are too eager to grab a hold of the book. Dressed in their Hogwarts uniform and fake wands and maybe a permanent tattoo ’scar’ on their heads, they began fighting over who is the real Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. While on the other hand, these supposedly Potter parents ended up suffering because they have to remain in queue or else their hard work would be gone to waste. Resembling very much like a weekend 4D queue, the Pottermanaics eagerly anticipate the sale of the book.
Throughout all these commotion, I was sleeping.
21st July, 7am Singapore time
Finally the books are on sale! Pottermaniacs began purchasing it and they went home scrutinizing through the pages, wondering who died in the final chapter. Parents heaved a sigh of relief and they managed to reward themselves with a meal at Botak Jones.
Throughout all these commotion, I was sleeping.
21st July, 10am Singapore time
I managed to be on time for my soccer session with my friends. They said to meet at 9am and I came at 10. By these time, with the help of speed reading, Pottermaniacs would have finished the book anyway. And just like a satisfied customer at Botak Jones, they closed the book and give a thumbs-up sign to themselves. Well done.
21st July, 2pm Singapore time
I went to a particular popular bookstore in hope of getting myself a book. Not with high hopes anyway. And I went there only to be stunned by Russell Lee’s True Singapore Ghost Stories Book 16. I don’t need any ghost stories. I got scared not because of the stories but rather how strategically they were placed just beside the Harry Potter books 1-6. Careless buyers might just accidentally buy a copy and start reading it and wonder to themselves, “Since when Harry Potter book got so many pontianaks, and where the hell is Harry Potter himself.”
I thought my hopes were dashed when there isn’t a single HP book 7. But my eagle eyed friend spotted display copies when exiting the store and I purchased one finally. And seeing so many Potter fans being turned away by the bookshop auntie because there is supposedly no stock, I paraded my book in the queue to make my purchasement. YAY I GOT ONE, HAVE YOU, LOSER.
I went home to boast to my 12 year old sister.
Me: EH YOU KNOW WHAT ANOT, I GOT THE BOOK 7 LEH. YOU WANNA READ. OPPS I THINK NOT.
Sis: NTUC got sell.
LITTLE ARMY WHORE July 19, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Andrew, Life's Like That.add a comment
This post might offend your classmate, your neighbour, sister and maybe even your mother. But since we don’t mind telling you if your pants aren’t zipped, I guess we don’t mind posting this.
Anyone noticed the sudden influx of girls in ARMY shirts?
Looks like with their “army” branding, SAF have unexpectedly conquered both gender markets successfully. Let us explore some reasons why girls choose to wear this… er.. subtly designed shirt, and for the thrill factor, I will reveal THE TRUTH only at the end.
List of Possible Factors
a) Just like how it is now cool for men to pluck eyebrows and be pussies, it is cool as well for girls to show their manly side. (even though they wear skimpy shorts inside to show off their sexy legs and do the usual girly stuff)
b) The shirt is very well designed, with the word ARMY cleverly placed in the middle, and the use of very aesthetically pleasing san-serif fonts complete the whole package. (to be considered for our soon to be produced Little Miss Kao Peh tees)
c) These incredibly stupid nerdy observant girls have interpreted it as ARM ME and like the feel of empowerment. The choice to plaster the secret “ARM ME” message over the neh neh chest can of course… ahem… be intepreted interestingly too.
d) They are too poor and are wearing their father’s old army tees. (even though their father’s 30 year old army tees don’t smell as bad as my secondary school uniform)
TA-DA! A grand list of reasons and excuses why girls wear the ARMY (ARM ME) tee.
Ok enough of that crap, THE TRUTH will now be revealed. You see, it is of my opinion that these girls are what we call, LAWs. LAWs for Little Army Whores. This look is complemented well with a pair of denim panties (ok no one really cares cause its not gonna be seen anyway).
Yes yes, why wear them if they arent meant to be seen right? Well, think of it as your pad, girls, and your er…. groin guard, guys. It isn’t necessary, but don’t we all love abit of security? 
The oversized ARMY tee with denim panties look is to give the “I just slept with an army guy last night and lo and behold, I’m wearing his tee the next morning!”
Ways to complete the look include, yawning frequently, airing your armpits, messing up your hair (while no one’s looking of course (you know, like you just got shagged or something) and then reappearing with your messy hair), replying like you’re drugged e.g “mmmm…”, “yeaaaaaaaaaa”, say “hmm hmm” (with a slight smile) instead of laughing.
Okay, hopefully I have enlightened readers still in the dark over this new fashion phenomenon.
Looks like I still need practise on my LAW look though.
20 REASONS WHY WE NEVER UPDATE July 18, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, This Is Serious.add a comment
Sorry for the lack of updates for these past few days. We sincerely apologised because there are a number of factors which led to this blog becoming stale.
1. Lazy bloggers (editors). Being one of the major contributors, it’s sad to see your fellow editors playing lan gaming than doing serious stuff like blogging.
2. Rainy days. Rainy days contribute to more proneness to sleeping. Hence more sleep=less blog.
3. What-goes-up-must-come-down syndrome. Last month we were at the peak of our blogging abilities. But now we’re at our lowest yet. Support us by visiting this blog everyday. Your blog visit means much to us.
4. What goes-around-comes-around syndrome. I’ve been listening to Justin Timberlake’s song and have been humming to myself non-stop for the past 2 weeks. I could even sing the song backwards.
5. Electricity bills. Our bills have skyrocketed because we have been visiting some new porn site that is worth visiting. Although this is not an excuse, we want you to believe it is.
6. 2% GST Hike. Apparently we have become quite sian with this increase because not only we need to pay 2% more on goods. But we have to hear our fellow parents complain.
7. Harry Potter Book 7 is arriving. While everyone’s busy anticipating who might die or live in the last chapter of Hogwarts warriors vs Siao Ting Tong wizards, we began to find similarities between the fictional life of theirs and one of our unnamed friend. (post coming soon). So we are still currently making some investigations.
8. We have began to queue up for tickets to next year’s National Day Parade.
9. One of our editors has STD. (Sexual Transmitted Disease)
10. The rest of the editors decided to give him support.
11. All of us got STDs in the end and all are affected.
12. Blogger’s Block. Writers experience this, why not bloggers.
13. My mother keep asking me to do housework nowadays.
14. Typing is a strenous exercise. We were not up to it.
15. Exam coming, more reasons not to blog, although we still continue to play.
16. Our blog is getting too popular, need the publicity to die down.
17. No comments on our blog, so no motivation. We want to hear from you!
18. Jiahong is gay.
19. Andrew is gay.
20. Kenneth is gay.
* updated: Edwin is not gay.
GRADUATION DAY, NOT MINE July 16, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, Life's Like That.add a comment
Okay, I was invited to a NUS Graduation Ceremony recently. Ermm, sort of. Actually my sister threatened to release my baby bathing photo collections if I didn’t show up, but let’s not digress from this topic.
What really irks me about this kind of event is that you get to rub your shoulder with these people who are better looking, smarter and richer than you and that really makes you feel like a rabbit caught in the crosshair of an oncoming bazooka. At times it even feels like you are rubbing armpits rather then shoulders with these elite uncaring people because most of them are about one neck taller than me.
To top it off, I was greeted by this gigantic mocking metallic sculpture.
I felt so alienated during the trip that I probably won’t be visiting NUS for the foreseeable future.
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH GAY CHOU July 9, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Exclusive, Jiahong.2 comments
E.M.Y.P.N.Z are proud to present to you an exclusive interview with one of Asia’s most sought after movie star. Gay Chou, who famously starred in blockbuster movies such as Initial D (He was the got rammed over by a car). Gay was in town recently to promote his upcoming Hollywood blockbuster movie,
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Who stole my bloody shell?
Below is an extract from our interview with the coveted actor.
(Gay Chou arriving for our interview, 5 hours late.)
Interviewer: Hi Gay, you were 5 hours late.
Gay Chou: Oh, I was locked up in the sewer.
Interviewer: In a sewer?
Gay Chou: Yeah, I’ve been living there for the past 5 months. You know, trying to get into my role as a ninja turtle.
Interviewer: Didn’t the director told you the film was wrapped up 3 months ago?
Gay Chou: Really? Don’t bluff me hor. (As he mumble something about being systematically abused by the production crew.)
Interviewer: Alright, moving on with the questions. Can you tell us more about your role in the movie?
Gay Chou: I was supposed to be rammed by a car in the first scene and die.
Interviewer: Oh, that’s rather similar to your role in Initial D.
Gay Chou: But I managed to shout Cowabunga before I die this time round.
(Gay Chou recounting his role in the upcoming movie.)
Interviewer: Oh, that’s tragic. Can I get you something to eat?
Gay Chou: Yes thank you, a plate of Fish & Chips please.
Interviewer: Don’t you have Fish & Chips back in Taiwan? Why don’t you try our local delicacies.
Gay Chou: Sorry hor, we only have potato chips and casino chips in Taiwan.
Interviewer: Oh I see. So do you eat them?
Gay Chou: Sometimes, when I get really hungry and there’s no more fish food left in my apartment. They’re kind of hard to digest though.
(Gay Chou tucking into his plate of Fish & Chips.)
Interviewer: Can you pass me some of your chili sauce?
Gay Chou: No, I’m going to smuggle these chili sauce back to Taiwan.
Interviewer: Come on, just one packet.
Gay Chou: No means no. (Before showing me his middle finger.)
(Gay Chou turns nasty over a packet of chili sauce.)
Interviewer: Oh, you can burn in hell. Now tell me more about your upcoming deal with MASTERCARD.
Gay Chou: They said I was the ideal ambassador.
Interviewer: Can I know why?
Gay Chou: You have to see it to understand it.
There are some things money can’t buy, but for every thing else, there’s MASTERCARD.
Gay Chou: I love their concept. It’s so much better than that “More birds, more luck” advertisement.
Interviewer: Erm, if you say so Gay, if you say so. Thanks for your time.
Gay Chou: Thank you too.
Gay Chou’s new movie “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Who stole my bloody shell?” will be out on 9 July 2007 in all lousy cinemas.
TRIP TO THE ARCADE July 8, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Jiahong, This Is Serious.add a comment
Okay, I went to the arcade at AMK Hub recently with some friends when a particular sticker on a gaying gaming machine caught my eyes.
Whoa, call this a marketing gimmick but it sure attracted a large crowd to the arcade. To our greatest surprise, we caught Edwin moving secretly towards the kids section of the arcade, contemplating over the prospect of flashing for games.
However, due to a combination of Edwin’s,
1. Tendency to strip in public; and
2. Inability to resist the temptations of arcade games.
We are unable to continue with this post as we needed to keep the ratings of this blog at a PG level. We apologize for the disappointment caused because pictures of events that followed may cause readers to feel nauseous and we do not wish to risk the health of our readers.
