INJUSTICE July 26, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.1 comment so far
http://u.mediacorptv.com/story.aspx?Editorial_ID=593&SubCategoryID=20
My friends were all going crazy over Channel U’s small flower small grass competition, ok Belle and Beau competition. Apparently, ugly girls and not-so-handsome guys got into nomination. It makes me wonder if they’re really the best of the school’s got to offer then come any day, I can be Tom Cruise. Or maybe a hybrid between David Beckham, Michael Jackson, Russell Crowe and Britney Spears. I saw the nominees and I can conclude that Channel U is short of actors who can act like Ah Bengs and extras because most of the nominated -
1. (Guys) have highlighted streaks of hair running down the fringe, and begging to be cut.
2. Fat looking people who pretend to sleep while taking pictures (take a look at NP Male, you will get what I mean).
3. Some girls who look weird such that, as Jiahong mentioned, you feel stabbing a pen into your eye is less painful.
But some are really pretty and handsome.. don’t say I everytime kaopeh people only.
It’s not that I wanna say, but if these people can get into nomination, how about my friend Mr Chew, the perfect Beau material.
He has,
A cool 1980s simple hairstyle, giving him the ‘not-too-complicated’ look.
A pair of Harry Potter replica spectacles from Toys ‘R’ Us giving him the aura of mystery.
A 800 megawatt smile which will charm any girl into submission.
A pair of fake nipples so fake that it looks so real.
A turtle shell on his belly (serves as a 6-pec).
Hairy legs – to ward off the evil hair spirit.
Now where do I get this guy nominated.
SPASTIC IS THE NEW SEXY July 23, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.add a comment
Sggirls.com always comes up with posted pictures of real beauties or those pretenders. Pretenders who act chio I don’t mind, as long as they don’t bother me. Though sometimes I print out their photos and use them as dartboards, they are pretty harmless. Their act cute poses could make your stomach churn, but that is all.
So today I found a picture which cried out for attention. Not some wannabe pretender again, but a new breed of girls which needed some research and evaluation.
“WE ARE SPASTIC.”
Well we know thank you very much. After some extensive research and effort we found out that this breed of girls suffer from abnormal cheek muscles. They become swollen whenever a picture is about to be taken. Another trademark of these girls is to pout whenever a picture is about to be taken. These girls were also found out to be extremely dependent on something called ‘camwhorer’.
Camwhorer is something similar to a normal camera except that the camera is frequently used to take self shots, group self shots in classic places like the female toilet and bedrooms. So anyway, we can already imagine how this picture was taken.
Most probably these girls were having a girl’s NightOut at someone’s house. I wish I can be invisible and sneak into the house, some sort like HollowMan. And the dresscode is swimwear. Armed with a camwhorer, they decided to take self group shots and they expressed their characteristics (puffy cheeks, pouts, etc). Viola! The picture was uploaded to someone’s Friendster.
If any one you spastic girls happen to stumble upon our site, don’t blame us. Blame that spastic person who edited the photo and put ‘We are spastic’.
By the way, my guess is the girl in the middle who did it. Spastic.
NEH NI NEH NI POO POO… OH WAIT July 21, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, This Is Serious.1 comment so far
Today is 21st July. This date brings a special significance to all Harry Potter fans because finally, the final book to conclude the story will be on sale finally.
21st July, 5a.m Singapore Time
Throngs of Pottermaniacs lined up before the Singapore Pools outlet bookstore entrances, waiting for the bookshop auntie to finally lift the shutter and open the store. Although it’s only 5am, they are too eager to grab a hold of the book. Dressed in their Hogwarts uniform and fake wands and maybe a permanent tattoo ’scar’ on their heads, they began fighting over who is the real Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. While on the other hand, these supposedly Potter parents ended up suffering because they have to remain in queue or else their hard work would be gone to waste. Resembling very much like a weekend 4D queue, the Pottermanaics eagerly anticipate the sale of the book.
Throughout all these commotion, I was sleeping.
21st July, 7am Singapore time
Finally the books are on sale! Pottermaniacs began purchasing it and they went home scrutinizing through the pages, wondering who died in the final chapter. Parents heaved a sigh of relief and they managed to reward themselves with a meal at Botak Jones.
Throughout all these commotion, I was sleeping.
21st July, 10am Singapore time
I managed to be on time for my soccer session with my friends. They said to meet at 9am and I came at 10. By these time, with the help of speed reading, Pottermaniacs would have finished the book anyway. And just like a satisfied customer at Botak Jones, they closed the book and give a thumbs-up sign to themselves. Well done.
21st July, 2pm Singapore time
I went to a particular popular bookstore in hope of getting myself a book. Not with high hopes anyway. And I went there only to be stunned by Russell Lee’s True Singapore Ghost Stories Book 16. I don’t need any ghost stories. I got scared not because of the stories but rather how strategically they were placed just beside the Harry Potter books 1-6. Careless buyers might just accidentally buy a copy and start reading it and wonder to themselves, “Since when Harry Potter book got so many pontianaks, and where the hell is Harry Potter himself.”
I thought my hopes were dashed when there isn’t a single HP book 7. But my eagle eyed friend spotted display copies when exiting the store and I purchased one finally. And seeing so many Potter fans being turned away by the bookshop auntie because there is supposedly no stock, I paraded my book in the queue to make my purchasement. YAY I GOT ONE, HAVE YOU, LOSER.
I went home to boast to my 12 year old sister.
Me: EH YOU KNOW WHAT ANOT, I GOT THE BOOK 7 LEH. YOU WANNA READ. OPPS I THINK NOT.
Sis: NTUC got sell.
20 REASONS WHY WE NEVER UPDATE July 18, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, This Is Serious.add a comment
Sorry for the lack of updates for these past few days. We sincerely apologised because there are a number of factors which led to this blog becoming stale.
1. Lazy bloggers (editors). Being one of the major contributors, it’s sad to see your fellow editors playing lan gaming than doing serious stuff like blogging.
2. Rainy days. Rainy days contribute to more proneness to sleeping. Hence more sleep=less blog.
3. What-goes-up-must-come-down syndrome. Last month we were at the peak of our blogging abilities. But now we’re at our lowest yet. Support us by visiting this blog everyday. Your blog visit means much to us.
4. What goes-around-comes-around syndrome. I’ve been listening to Justin Timberlake’s song and have been humming to myself non-stop for the past 2 weeks. I could even sing the song backwards.
5. Electricity bills. Our bills have skyrocketed because we have been visiting some new porn site that is worth visiting. Although this is not an excuse, we want you to believe it is.
6. 2% GST Hike. Apparently we have become quite sian with this increase because not only we need to pay 2% more on goods. But we have to hear our fellow parents complain.
7. Harry Potter Book 7 is arriving. While everyone’s busy anticipating who might die or live in the last chapter of Hogwarts warriors vs Siao Ting Tong wizards, we began to find similarities between the fictional life of theirs and one of our unnamed friend. (post coming soon). So we are still currently making some investigations.
8. We have began to queue up for tickets to next year’s National Day Parade.
9. One of our editors has STD. (Sexual Transmitted Disease)
10. The rest of the editors decided to give him support.
11. All of us got STDs in the end and all are affected.
12. Blogger’s Block. Writers experience this, why not bloggers.
13. My mother keep asking me to do housework nowadays.
14. Typing is a strenous exercise. We were not up to it.
15. Exam coming, more reasons not to blog, although we still continue to play.
16. Our blog is getting too popular, need the publicity to die down.
17. No comments on our blog, so no motivation. We want to hear from you!
18. Jiahong is gay.
19. Andrew is gay.
20. Kenneth is gay.
* updated: Edwin is not gay.
MUNCH TIME July 7, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, This Is Serious.add a comment
I was watching Live Earth, and heard a certain song by Kellee Clarkson. I listened very carefully and found that there’s a hidden meaning in this certain song. It seemed like that song is promoting a certain brand of…. biscuits..
Here’s the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Sin Chew Bin Gan
You dedicated you took the time
Wasn’t long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Sin Chew Bin Gan
And all you’d ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That’s all you’d ever hear me say
But Sin Chew Bin Gan
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Sin Chew Bin Gan
How can I put it? You put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Sin Chew Bin Gan
How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way
But Sin Chew Bin Gan
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Sin Chew Bin Gan
You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can’t take it
Again and again and again and again
Sin Chew Bin Gan
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Sin Chew Bin Gan
Sin Chew Bin Gan
Sin Chew Bin Gan..
BATAM STORY PART 3: ‘RICE CURE’ July 2, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.add a comment
I thought this was funny.
“Padicure” – A cure for rice grains suffering from AIDS, syphillis or just simply stress.
Well I can imagine rice farmers patronising the shop (It’s a salon by the way dumbass), bring a few stalks of wheat..
Farmer: Eh hello, my rice sick.
Padicurer: Oh, lemme see. Hmm… your stalks got red spots on the wheat private part.. I’m afraid sir, your wheat is going to die. Got AIDS.
Farmer: (Sobs) So how many years does these wheat have left?
Padicurer: I’m afraid sir, they’re going to die tomorrow. Oh sir, have you got any sexual contact with the wheat?
Farmer: Ermmm, I think.. actually.. Ok.. no.. I’m serious.. nono..
..
..
..
Next time, be careful. Your pedicure might be a padicure. And oh, I better go check on my house’s stock of rice…
Next: Pubbing in Batam
MY STUDENT MAILBOX AND, THE MALARIA GROUP June 28, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Life's Like That.add a comment
Ok it’s now 1pm on a Sunny Thursday afternoon and I’m seriously pissed that I have 3 hour break in between lessons from 12-3pm. Now I have another 2 hours to go and I could do with some friends company but as it turned out, as always, I’m alone at a bench outside the School of Health Sciences (where all the pretty Nursing students are) doing this blog. If you think that maybe blogging now is just an excuse to see the Nurses, you are probably right.
So now I’m alone now and I think I’m seriously threatened like a Dodo Bird or maybe a Hornysaurus. The amount of oestrogen emitting from the Health Sciences office might be choking me…
Anyway, just now I was browsing through my student mail and I was stunned to see this,
As you can see, I’m in the ‘Malaria’ group. And it’s quite sad to see yourself in it. Because..
1. All the Biomedical and Biotech students will shun you away, because you are thought to have malaria and even on the internet, you have to be quarantined.
2. People can start imagining you as some disease-spreading Anopheles female mosquito.
3. You start to realise that you’re repeating the same Immunology module that you have failed last semester and you’re doing the same thing all over again. You are graduating a semester later than them and right now, you’re floating in between classes as you don’t really belong to a class.
Ok, next up is the spam I’ve received in my inbox. And I thought I already had enough of that in my Hotmail account, especially when some bugger subscribed me for porn. Animal sex somemore. Everyday I check my inbox and I receive these shit.
Ok, the red font means I have not read the mail yet but nevermind, lets see what some buggers can send to the WHOLE SCHOOL.
“I & E Action- Cute Accessories Up for Sale”
My thoughts: Well, thanks but no thanks, unless you’re selling an endangered cute bear that you’ve just stolen from the Singapore Zoo. And you must be amazed how the sender has a lapse of concentration every 3 seconds because right after he or she has just send the email to the whole school, he or she had forgotten that it was already sent, but he or she send again.
“I & E action: Let’s Make Ice Cream”
My thoughts: I think the sender doesn’t have much marketing skill. And so most probably he or she is not from the Business department. Because to entice more people, it should be put: “Let’s Make Ice Cream with horny babes”
Whether they have real babes is one matter, but to keep their part of the deal, this organising group should have girls wearing specially customized horn hats. The girls should do just fine with these.
Ok, it’s time to go now. If you’ve noticed, I got to do a particular assignment which was due like weeks ago.
BATAM STORY PART 2: SHOPPING June 25, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.add a comment
Continuing on the Batam exclusive..
It’s inevitable that the trip to Batam includes something called “Shopping” because of the existence of “Shopping Centres.” As much as I hate to admit, I do love shopping. Simply because I do get to know of the latest trends in the fashion world. I cannot lose out or else I’ll look like a caveman. So for example,
You know instantly you have to get these clothes in Batam in order to ’synchronise’ with the Batamians.
Note: The dummy on the right has a striking resemblance to one of our editors..
Look at their similarities, I thought I saw Jiahong posing at Batam initially, somemore they like to strike the same pose. After much observation of the dummy I realised the lookalike at Batam wasn’t Jiahong. He’s not that a nudist than Jiahong..
Next: Rice Cure in Batam
BATAM STORY PART 1: A HOTEL SURPRISE June 20, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Exclusive.add a comment
The following articles of ‘Batam Stories’ are brought to you exclusively by our Batam correspondent of E.M.Y.P.N.Z.
Proudly sponsored by: Botak Raju
The editor would like to take note that no murtabak were wasted during the catering for this special scoop article.
I looked out of my hotel room, and I saw this. I thought my eyes were playing on me, because the previous night I dreamt of some girl in night gown chasing after me. But after rubbing my eyes for the umpteen time, I can really confirm this: My hotel view is great!
My roommates were all eagerly anticipating what this lady would be doing next, and I thought maybe, just maybe she might be cutting her toenails after bathing. Don’t ask me why. I assume she had just bathed. But to my disappointment, the lady went out of sight. I tried whatever angles from my hotel room window to get a glimpse of her but what I got was seeing naked men in the neighbouring buildings smoking and gesturing to each other. I assume they were learning sign language. Because since nowadays people only like to SMS, I guess the next evolution of communication is sign language.
Anyway, to your disappointment, I did not find that lady but later on, I saw a bunch of ladies walking around the balcony, not naked but fully dressed. Most probably getting ready for work. If you get what I mean. So from this incident I can make the following conclusion,
it’s always important to look out of your window once in a while.
And oooh, I can see my neighbour next block doing..
Next: Shopping in Batam
LITTLE MISS….. June 18, 2007
Posted by wesharethesameblogspot in Edwin, Merchandise.add a comment
I can’t stand it. Everywhere I go, I see girls wearing these same few pieces of shirt.
You go Bugis, you go Orchard, you see girls wearing it.
So what’s the problem, you ask? Am I jealous because I’m not female and I can’t wear it? Actually my sister has one and I can wear it anytime.
The problem is, they look scary. Let’s start a closer look at the graphic print.
This is Miss Sunshine. She doesn’t look so cheerful to me. In fact, her facial expression tells me she either,
1. Accidentally killed her mother.
2. Forgot to flush the toilet she used 2 weeks ago.
3. Swallowed the whole tube of Nivea facewash meant for her pimples.
Next, let’s take a look at Miss Naughty.
She doesn’t look naughty enough, because she’s not wearing a latex suit or maybe at the very least, expose some cleavage. Again this is scary because if this picture depicts naughtiness, then I guess I am a much much more mischievious kid than I thought I was.
But wait, the most scary part hasn’t been explained. Actually there’s no harm wearing T-shirts that shows the wrong information and scary illustration. But, I find it quite sickening IF,
Scenario 1: A bin-chao-chao girl (Grumpy-looking) wearing Miss Sunshine sitting opposite you in the MRT carriage. And just because you look at her so many times because you feel so astonished and disgusted she thought you had an interest in her.
Girls, if you’re feeling not so cheerful please don’t wear Miss Sunshine, it’ll spoil any normal guy’s day.
Scenario 2: You see a nerdy girl with braces and thick rimmed spectacles wearing Miss Naughty. You thought she’s naughty by heart but you overheard her conversation with her geeky boyfriend.
Nerd Girl: Hwelllow, kan wii plae cheeeeessss after owl 24 hourwer selff-studee. I finkk I spik betarr wiff bra..cesss..
Nerd Boy: No, we should see who can finish the whole book of Sudoko first.
So girls and guys, please don’t wear what you’re not to be. Wear what we are! If you think you’re quite kaopeh, like us, you can start ordering our T-shirts now!
E.M.Y.P.N.Z merchandise is out now! Please kindly place your order through email and state your size, breast or chest size, address and state how kaopeh you are. Sales start today!
Presenting to you our product..
